4 Reasons Why I’m Going To Hell

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If you ask any of my friends, they will tell you how I love a good prank. However, I think it is safe to say, I take jokes too far. I am going to share with you some of the jokes and pranks I have played on my friends. And possibly taken to the extreme. Y’know, just a bit.

This first one is my most recent. Let’s set the scene; we have finished our mocks and we are in our maths lesson getting our papers back. Whilst comparing our maths papers, my friend (whom I sit next to) got a few more marks than I did. In alphabetical order we were asked to go up to our teacher to see what our targets should be. When I got back from my session, I told my friend that everyone who got above a C grade (which we did) was moving up a set. She was almost crying with happiness. I’m not sure why exactly, but at this point I was beginning to feel a tad guilty (because the teacher hadn’t said anything of the sort). My friend told me how happy she was to finally be moving up and how it had been her dream. She went on to say how hard she had worked and how proud of herself she was. I could handle the ever increasing guilt at this point and had to tell her that I had been lying. Then she started crying (with sadness, this time). I really didn’t think that one through to its logical conclusion…

In another class, two people from Ofsted (a body that inspects and regulates standards in schools) came to watch our teacher’s performance and were sitting at a table in the row in front of us. I thought it might be hilarious to tell my friend that they were from the university she had always dreamed of getting into. She spent the whole lesson trying to impress them by putting her hand up and getting as many questions right as possible; she was the class star pupil. I sat there sniggering to myself next to her, trying to keep a lid on my hysteria. At the end of the lesson I could have told her they weren’t from the university, it was all a joke. But I didn’t. I kept going. I then proceed to return our text book to the bookshelf, and whilst passing the Ofsted inspectors, I pretended to sneakily look at their notes. When I got back, I whispered to my friend that her name was in their notes under the heading ‘students to offer places to’. Her eyes lit up and she started her little victory dance, jumping around crying with happiness. Her joyful tears then turned into tears of sadness when I finally told her they were only Ofsted inspectors. Yes, I felt a little bit bad about that one too.

On iPhones, I found out to my great excitement that you can use the ‘text replacement’ function. Basically, when you write something it automatically changes it to something else. For example ‘omw’ automatically changes to ‘On my way!’. I decided to get my friends phone, change ‘ok’ to ‘I like bananas’ (I don’t know why I choose that. I was in a rush to change it before she got back, okay?!). I quickly switched off her phone and put it back in her bag. She did’t suspect a thing. *insert evil laugh here*. I later got a text from her saying, ‘I like bananas’. I replied, pretending to be confused, ‘what?’. She then sent me multiple messages all reading, ‘I like bananas’, ‘I like bananas’, ‘I like bananas’, ‘I like bananas’, ‘I like bananas’. By this point, I was almost wetting my self laughing. The next day she told me how her phone had gone wrong and she did’t know what had happened. Okay, this is the best bit of the whole story. She told me that she first noticed when texting the parents of the kids she babysits for. She accidentally sent them the text ,’I like bananas’ and they replied back, ‘we will make sure we have some for you when your come round next week’. I kept it a secret that I did it for a few months before I told her the shocking truth. Honestly, I don’t know why I do it.

This one I feel really bad about. But, oh well, why not share it with the internet?! I think I have kept this one going for about 4 years. That’s right everyone, 4 years. In year 8, my friend spilt coffee in my hair. The next day, I happened to be off school because I was ill. The perfect opportunity had arisen. I told her I was allergic to coffee, had an allergic reaction and had to go to hospital the next day. She obviously felt really bad for ‘sending me to hospital’ and all my friends played along. To this day she still believes I am allergic to coffee. If you are still reading, my friend, and you have just realised I have been lying to you for the past 4 years, I am very sorry and I hope you will forgive me.

And to you dear reader, I promise I’m not an evil person and please don’t judge me too harshly. It’s just, I can’t let golden opportunity like those pass me by. So please don’t send me to hell (or hate mail). Oh, and friend, I really am sorry.

11 thoughts on “4 Reasons Why I’m Going To Hell

  1. Maybe…provided she’s as clever as you. Some folks just aren’t naturally built to be pranksters. When they try, more often than not, it backfires and they wind up looking even more stupid. Heh.

    Still, might be a good idea to watch your back and hold into your phone for a while. 😀

    P.s., That was supposed to read “tear-inducing,” not “year-inducing” up above. Virtually all of my social media and blog commentary and replies are done via mobile. This means predictive typing which means me occasionally falling prey to that dastardly algorithmic monster’s constant attempts to switch out letters at the last second before I hit send. One of my peeves about virtual keyboards. Apologies for that.

    Well, only up for a sec. Back to bed I go. Enjoy the day,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow….

    All I can say is…wow!

    I gasped in shock. I laughed uncontrollably. I marvelled at your bravery for telling this!

    My jaw kinda dropped as I read examples one and two (not to mention four). But number three made me burst out laughing — one of those year-inducing, gut-wrenching, neighbors-calling-to-ask-if-I’m-alright kind of laughter. Yeah, we’re talking ROFL (translation: I love bananas)!

    I wouldn’t be so worried right now, Ms. O’Neill (don’t read into the formality — this is purely arbitrary). Lots of people have done far, far worse and were still saved from the burning pit of hell. So don’t go making a reservation just yet, young lady. 😉

    Knowing this about you does illustrate a more human picture of you though. And I’m grateful you shared it. You are something else. Thanks!

    Liked by 2 people

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